Poker and Evil Green Blobs
by Kaiya-Rae DiNozzo
Summary: Not very good at summaries, but basically this is a story for us rabid Johnny Depp fans. A few Johnny Depp characters find their illegal poker rudely interrupted by Joony Dopp and his minions who are intent on destroying them. Please be nice!


**DISCLAIMER: **I wish I owned Johnny Depp and his characters . . . unfortunately I don't so anything you recognise I don't own. . . sigh . . .

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_Tarrant/Mad Hatter . . . Alice In Wonderland . . . Enemy: the 'Med Hater'  
Don Juan . . . Don Juan DeMarco . . . Enemy: John Flan Seracho  
Captain Jack Sparrow . . . Pirates of the Caribbean . . . Enemy: Jake Swallow  
Ichabod Crane . . . Sleepy Hollow . . . Enemy: Mechabod Spain  
John Dillinger . . . Public Enemies . . . Enemy: Ron Stillinger  
Wade 'Cry Baby' Walker . . . Cry-Baby . . . Enemy: Spade 'Try Maybe' Stalker  
Frank . . . The Tourist . . . Enemy: Blank  
Sweeney Todd . . . Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street . . . Enemy: Swanny Toad  
Edward Scissorhands . . . Edward Scissorhands . . . Enemy: - not mentioned  
Johnny Depp . . . he's like the God of the Story . . . Enemy: Joony Dopp_

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In this story there are several Johnny Depp Characters. This is a list of the movies they are from and the name of their enemies

Wouldn't bother with that but I know my writing can be confusing sometimes when I write the way I think . . . JOHNNY DEPP IS GORGEOUS!

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"Pass me a cigar, would you please Tarrant?" Don Juan asked, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jack has them," the Mad Hatter replied. Don Juan glanced over at the Captain of the Black Pearl, who was carelessly shuffling through his cards and looking rather bored.

"Jack, would you be so kind as to pass Don Juan a cigar?" Ichabod Crane asked, more to get things back into motion than to actually be helpful. He wasn't usually into illegal gambling, but he had a really good hand and he wanted to win.

Jack scratched his ear. "What's in it for me?" he asked nonchalantly. John Dillinger glared at him.

"Stop acting like you're a super villain, Sparrow," he complained. "I'm Public Enemy Number 1."

"I was pillagin' and plunderin' centuries before you was a gleam in your Daddy's eye, mate," Jack retorted. "So don't you come up to me all proud 'bout bein' a villain."

"Okay gramps," Cry Baby chipped in. "Do you have the freakin' cigars or not?"

"Maybe," said Jack, choosing to ignore the insult. "Even if I did, what's it to you?"

"Listen, Jack," Don Juan said. "I just want a cigar."

"Well that makes a change from your usual interests," Frank quipped. Don Juan's eyes snapped to him immediately.

"What are you implying, Senor?" he asked dangerously.

"Oh, for Christ's sake," Sweeney Todd snapped. "Can you lot cut it out before I slit all your throats and take the money?"

With a lot of muttering, Jack handed Don Juan a cigar and the game continued.

Ichabod was winning, but suddenly he became rather bored with the whole affair and he stood abruptly.

"Where are you off to, Constable?" the Mad Hatter asked. Ichabod shrugged.

"I promised Edward Scissorhands that I'd help him bodyguard the treasure tonight," he lied. Well, it wasn't really a lie- he had promised- but Edward wasn't expecting him for another few hours.

"What treasure be that, Crane?" Jack asked, interested. Ichabod shot him a dirty look.

"Not a kind in which you'd be wise to take any interest, Captain Sparrow," he warned.

"Is it a woman?" Don Juan asked, his eyes lighting up hopefully.

"No," said Ichabod.

"Is it some new, advanced weapon?" John Dillinger asked.

"No," said Ichabod.

"A beautiful hat?" the Mad Hatter suggested.

"No," said Ichabod.

"Is it something to increase popularity?" Cry Baby asked.

"No," said Ichabod.

"Is it a way in which to disguise yourself to the point where you are no longer recognisable to your foe?" Frank wanted to know.

"No," said Ichabod.

"Just tell us," Sweeney Todd demanded, examining his razor in a slightly unnerving manner.

"No," said Ichabod.

"You're a right piece of work, you know that, Crane?" Jack snapped.

Before Ichabod could reply angrily, the door burst open. Through it came the green blob, Joony Dopp and his evil minions. Ichabod fainted.

"Joony Dopp," the Mad Hatter said with a flourishing bow. "How nice of you to join us."

"You're just in time for a shave," Sweeney Todd added, glowering at Swanny Toad, who stood among the other minions. From behind Swanny Toad stepped John Flan Seracho and Spade 'Try Maybe' Stalker.

"You," Cry Baby seethed. Spade Stalker smirked.

"Me," he replied. Before the two could take any real aggressive action, Don Juan gave a war cry and, drawing his sword, leapt at John Flan. The two became locked in deadly combat, swords flashing furiously. The tension in the room had already been at boiling point and now it finally broke, flowing over the Johnny Depp characters like lava. The Mad Hatter pulled a sewing machine out of his ass and started thrashing the Med Hater over the head with it. Sweeney Todd and Swanny Toad chased each other, brandishing their razors.

Cry Baby and Try Maybe were engaged in a crazy brawl, more suited to a school playground than a late night in a tavern. John Dillinger and Ron Stillinger took out their weapons and began trying to shoot each other. Frank gave Blank the dirtiest look known to mankind (which, may I add, looked incredibly sexy on him) and the two began arguing loudly. Mechabod Spain waited patiently for Ichabod to awaken.

Jack started towards Jake Swallow with his sword drawn, but, being a cowardly fool, Swallow pulled out his gun and fired a bullet straight at Jack. Jack glanced at the blood blossoming from his chest, then over at Ichabod, who had woken and was staring at Jack in horror.

Jack was silent for a moment, and then he spoke once.

"Well that's a bloody inconvenience," he said irritably. "And unbelievably rude."

Then Captain Jack Sparrow collapsed in a heap on the tavern floor.

"JACK!" Ichabod shouted. Unable to control his rage, he flung himself at Mechabod Spain, determined to make Jake Swallow pay with the life of a friend. But Jake Swallow joined in the fight and Ichabod could feel himself being overpowered.

The Med Hater had recovered from his original shock and was now trying to rip the sewing machine out of Tarrant's grasp. And while Tarrant was incredibly strong, he was also starting to tire from the tremendous beating he'd just given his enemy. But the Hatter had always been a survivor and he suddenly felt anger pumping new strength into his blood as he glanced over and saw his friend Jack lying motionless in a pool of blood. The Mad Hatter went back into the battle with renewed vigour while Sweeney and Swanny continued to race through the flying bullets from Dillinger and Stillinger's guns.

Joony Dopp was laughing, and just as it seemed that all would be lost for the most amazingly hot men ever to walk the earth, light flooded through the doorway. It was Edward Scissorhands and the treasure he had been guarding.

"JOONY DOPP!" A wonderful voice boomed. "How dare you attack us? You, who are no more than a green blob with a bunch of wannabe mes!"

Johnny Depp stood like an angel from the heavens above, illuminated by the mysterious and blinding light which was randomly shining through the doorway. Joony Dopp shrieked in fury.

"I will have this world!" he yelled at Johnny Depp. "And you will not deny me!"

Johnny Depp rolled his eyes. "Oh, for fuck's sake . . ." he muttered; presently he caught Joony Dopp in a big jar and screwed the lid on tightly.

When Ichabod saw Johnny Depp he knew they were saved. With newfound power, he leapt away from Mechabod Spain and Jake Swallow and turned on the radio to full blast. It was just his luck that the song playing was California Gurls by Katy Perry, a song which terrified Mechabod Spain. Mechabod Spain ran from the room, screaming. Jake Swallow cowered in the corner as Ichabod rounded on him.

"YOU KILLED JACK!" he screeched, but Johnny Depp restrained him.

"Hush, Ichabod," he murmured. Then he walked over to Jack.

"He still breathes," said Johnny Depp. Then he placed both hands over Jack's wound and hummed softly as light surrounded them. When the light faded, Johnny Depp help a healed Jack to his feet.

"Take more care next time, my friend," he warned. "I may not always be nearby."

"Got it," Jack said, wincing. "I think I'm gonna be one massive bruise after this."

"Oh, you're going to be a bruise?" Cry Baby asked sarcastically, walking over from an unconscious Try Maybe. He had a black eye, a cut lip and, as he'd implied, a lot of nasty bruises, but he had come out of the battle victorious and was carrying a large spade. Jack tilted his head.

"Where did you get that spade?" he asked. Cry Baby shrugged. Ichabod joined them, having chained Jake Swallow to the wall.

Meanwhile, Sweeney Todd had caught Swanny Toad, but being a very good person deep down had decided not to kill him. Instead he had slashed at his nemesis viciously so that blood poured from gashes on both his forearms. Don Juan had done the same to John Flan and the two now joined the group. John Dillinger hit Ron Stillinger in the shoulder with one of his bullets and wandered over, stowing his gun. Frank came up with a really mad-awesome-pro comeback that left Blank totally cut and he strode over to where Edward Scissorhands still stood in the doorway and offered him a hi-five. Edward indicated that his hands were scissors and Frank shrugged and patted the other man's back before they walked over to the group of victorious.

The Mad Hatter gave the comatose Med Hater one last disdainful kick and joined them, grinning broadly.

"I should have known you were the treasure, my Lord," Jack said, tipping his hat to Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp shrugged, flattered.

"Now, really," he began.

"I am forever grateful to you, sir," Sweeney Todd said. Johnny Depp raised his hands.

"Now, now, no more of this 'my lord' and 'sir' business, please," he said firmly. "You are all me; therefore you are all equal to me. Do we understand one another?"

Everyone nodded. Johnny Depp smiled.

"In that case, I have a suggestion: Let's PARTY!"

The Johnny Depp characters partied all night, while Tory, Kaiya and Eshra basked in their hotness as guests of honour.

Naturally.


End file.
